When everything's made to be broken

It is during moments like this when I realize how inept I am in my writing. Moments when my breath is caught at how beautiful some words are crafted by one. Moments when I pondered how can one express their thoughts so exquisitely? Moments when I just loathe myself for my inability to write like them.

When everything else fails

1. Shanghai Girls by Lisa See
2. The Calligrapher's Daughter by Eugenia Kim
3. The Other Queen by Phillipa Gregory
4. Evening is the whole day by Preeta Samarasan
5. The Concubine's Daughter by Pai Kit Fai
6. The translation of beauty by Mia Yun
7. The Queen's Fool/ The Virgin Lover by Phillipa Gregory
8. The Chocolate Run/ The Cupid Effect by Dorothy Koomson
9. My Best Friend's Girl by Dorothy Koomson

till then I shall stay away from the alluring trap of a bookstore.

A dose of happiness

i'm way past the stage where i still believe in happily ever after, however, i won't deny the fact that i occasionally indulge myself with some cheesy korean drama series and truth is most of the time i do enjoy them but never once did it disillusioned my stance that happily ever after does not exist. i'm ever the cynic in the romance chapter and it suits me that way and yet when i was stoning in front of my laptop willing for the darn tarc website to load for me to register my co-curriculum so that i'll be able to crawl back to my bed and sleep for my 8am class today, i stumbled upon something not so accidentally; something that made my heart flutters and had me thinking that maybe happily ever after does exist albeit only for a few and far between people. people who are lucky enough to stumble upon lady romance and managed to coaxed her to stay happily ever after in their life.

p/s: http://quaintly.net/2011/09/sunset-during-seminar/

Atychiphobia

CGPA : 3.9375

"You are pretty harsh on yourself. Do you know that?" she was told. It was a statement more of a question and the many retorts that were instantly sprung within her died upon reaching her lips and was instead replaced by a infinitesimal nod of her head. She knew she should deny it vehemently but by doing so she would be lying outright to that one person who had managed to see through her and no matter how much she wanted to she knew she couldn't do it. She wanted to explain it but she knew she couldn't find the right words to do so and so she sat there numbly and stared back at that one person who had managed to unravel what she had kept deep and dark inside of her for so many long and lonely years.

She always knew that she's harder on herself more than anyone else. She couldn't explain why she wanted everything to be perfect because for as long as she knows that's just how things should be. She couldn't tell people that she's not satisfied with her results just because it's tainted by that one A- for she knew that by doing so, one would deemed her to be cocky and will put her entire action as a parade to fish for compliments. However, that's not how the thing is for her. For she really felt that her results is just not perfect enough. She couldn't tell them that for the very same reason why she couldn't understand why she is such a perfectionist herself; why she just have to wrap all her books impeccably before stamping them with her name; why she is only willing to draw a line with a ruler and not without it; why she's such a frigid person who yearns for a change and yet unwilling to take drastic measure.

It's not a want for her but rather it's a need. A need to do everything perfectly because everything else just isn't and so with a voice that seemed rather shaky, she replied as calmly as she could, "Because that's the only way I can cope."

http://moac-me.blogspot.com/2011/08/melancholic.html

If I could only find a note to make you understand

But life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite the shrill tinsel of gaiety of 'parties' with no purpose , despite the false grinning faces we all wear. And when at last, you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter - they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship - but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering.

— Sylvia Plath

Two weeks of paradise

Here's what I'm going to do for the rest of my holidays:

• Write.
• Start working out again. I miss how I used to work out everyday back when I was still working at Celebrity Fitness; the adrenaline rush during the vigorous workout, the sweating and how I feel much much better after each workout.
• Revamp my wardrobe. I'm going to start clearing out all the clothes that I haven't been wearing and wouldn't be wearing, then I'm going to go on a shopping spree to update my wardrobe. tumblr influence#
• Get a writing job. I still berate myself for losing all four of my writing jobs because of sheer procrastination.
• Finish up Waters for Elephant, Evening is the whole day & Shanghai Girls. It's amazing how much I want to read these books during exam and when I'm free to do so I loose my interest.
• Watch all the Korean drama series and the English movies in my lappy.
• Clean my horribly messy room. Despite the fact that I stayed at hostel for 5 days in a week for the past four months my room at home still get horribly messy. le sigh#
• Try out the recipes that I found in magazine. I like cooking albeit not being very good at it, however, I hate the cleaning up afterwards.

You tie me down

There is only so much you can do before you realize you just need to let go and not let it bother you anymore — Tumblr