© Moac-me

The Time Traveler's Wife

2012-02-02T15:02:00.000-08:00

i love books and i'm awfully loyal and possessive of my favourite books; these points are more than enough for me to have negative disposition towards movie that are based on books because more often than not these movies are so drastically changed and made so differently that they figuratively killed the beautifully written story that the authors have carved. it is definitely not right for one to judge something that they haven't watch but i'm pretty sure that most book lovers would have the same inclination as me especially if the movie is based on their all time favourite book.

hence, with prejudice in my mind and my judgmental glasses up, i usher the chinese new year by watching the time traveler's wife. i had expected it to be just another one of hollywood's horrible and failed attempt at trying to remake a bestseller into a blockbuster; it was suppose to be another badly made 107minutes movie to pass my time and yet at the end of that 1 hour and 47 minutes, i'm a transformed person and not in any way that i have envisage because i fell in love with the movie — if not more than the book than as much.

perhaps the reason i love this movie is because other than the gist of the book the rest of the details of it have been almost completely wiped clean from my memory as the last time i set my eyes and mind on the book was three years back but nonetheless, the screenwriter and director had achieved their goal: distinguishing the movie from the book and yet maintaining the book's magical quality.

the time traveler's wife is a story that is filled with joy, sorrows and challenges as the one thing that brought henry and clare together in the first place is slowly clawing its way into their relationship.

the chemistry between the casts was pretty solid too with eric bana as henry and rachel mcadams as clare. eric whom i'll always remember as king henry viii from the other boleyn girl did a good job in portraying henry although his portrayal as the younger henry seems a bit awkward at first but as the movie gradually moves forward he too fell in ease with his role. when rachel mcadams first came into the movie, i took an instant dislike toward her and felt that she doesn't suit to carry out the role of clare but then again i was proved wrong. if my memory serves me right the book clare was described more of a mellow and quiet beauty and the book henry can be interpreted as a geeky and specky guy but as you can see in the movie, clare was shy and fiery and henry was definitely the epitome of a hunk. either way, both eric and rachel carried out the roles of henry and clare convincingly.

it can be challenging to adapt this book into a movie due to the confusing timeline and the different narrative which is why i have to applaud screenwriter and director again for narrowing down the scope; they decided to focus on henry and clare's love story and omit out the unrelated rest which is a good move as it directs the audience attention.

i absolutely abhor it whenever the ending of a book is changed in the movie, however in this case i accept it as it synchronize really well with the story line. it was a good ending and i would say on par with the ending that audrey niffenegger wrote.

there were more than one scene in which it made me bawled my eyes out and for that alone i shall rate this movie a smashing 8/10.

the two links

2012-01-30T04:41:00.000-08:00

george carlin once quoted that inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist and now sitting here, at nearly 3am in the morning, typing this entry i wonder if this idealist is me? had i been so severely disappointed by life that it had jaded my views on it? or did my virgo instinct compounded by my perfectionist nature and mercurial attitude kick in during inopportune time to mold me into this person who is constantly critical of the motives of others? the reason behind this post is that i've just watched chris medina's audition for ai (its more than a tad too late) and read about xiaxue's love story (also about two years too late) and pondered about being too cynical in my views of life and love. both scenarios portray love story that are too good to be true — stories that one might have thought that they were being fabricated from one of disney's many fairytales, easily found in fictions but never in reality.

one is of a guy who stood by his fiancee through thick and thin and till death do us part; a guy who choose to sticks around with his fiancee who suffered from traumatic brain injury, miraculously survive and yet stands a slim chance of being who she was before instead of fleeing at the earliest chance to find the next love of his life; a guy who some says define what love really is. and the latter is of a guy who risks everything he has to travel and finally settles down across the globe for a girl whom he stumbled upon on the net. i'm not going to lie and say that these stories does not touch me because if it doesn't then there wouldnt be this post at all but neither am i going to make a big confession and proclaim that they changed my cynical view that this world is not monochrome but filled with rainbow colours of joy because it didn't.

because seriously how many people out there, notwithstanding genders, are willing to do what these two people did? how many so-called 'true love' out there can still actually stand strong in spite of the inevitable hardships, obstacles, difficulties and such? : not many.

truth to be told, i'm still a lil too bemused to sort through the jumble of emotions and thoughts of mine to search for the real reason behind this post, but through the sleepiness that's fogging through my brain and my eyelids that are threatening to shut down any time soon, one reason that i can only think of now is that this post is solely for my own benefit for who knows maybe ten/twenty years from now this post can be use to either support or refute my cynical sentiments.

To begin again

2012-01-19T13:53:00.000-08:00

to be endow with the sense of mercurial is a curse because you will never be content; not because you don't want to but because everything in you changes so often that your sense of contentment will never lasts; your feeling of happiness and belonging alter so quickly that you're so often left with a feeling of void that you're constantly searching for something that's always elusive to you; something that will perpetually be slipping from your grip time after time.

Home is where the heart is

2012-01-17T21:04:00.000-08:00

8 things i realized/rediscovered about myself while packing:

i always thought that i started writing when i was 16 but then i discovered this red and purple notebook hidden between junks of mine that told me otherwise; it seems that i started writing when i was seven; it was a crappy love story centered between two sisters and a guy and amazingly it was written in bm.
i have various ambitions; when i was 7 i wanted to be a nurse then i wanted to be a police or a teacher. then i envisage myself as a lawyer and up until f3, i had wanted to be either a lawyer or a photographer.
i used to write diaries like nobody's business up until i was fourteen and gosh rereading what you wrote daily when you're a mere child/infatuated teen is so damn embarrassing. also my english were horrible; the spelling, the grammar etc. it also reminds me who i used to be before things happened.
i have more clothes than one could ask for and yet i don't have anything to wear.
i used to be a BIG fan of taiwanese drama; as in those sappy love stories which more or less have the same story line but different casts. and i actually collects newspaper cuttings, badges, stickers and posters of my favorite drama.i don't know when i stopped watching them but the only taiwanese drama I watched nowadays are the long winded hokkien drama which have different story line but same casts (the irony!).
ten years of my life could be packed up in only five boxes and three of 'em are filled with books.
i'm definitely a girly girl when i was young. i used to love pink and barbie doll. i have about eleven to twelve barbie dolls and tons of barbie doll merchandises. i remember that up until i was eleven, whenever i scored academically i would ask for a new barbie doll. i even attended barbie's birthday in 1u once. unfortunately i gave them all away for this move. i had wanted to keep one but i just couldn't pick one and i feel unfair for the rest that i have to give away so in the end i gave up all of them.
amazingly after spending ten years of my life living there i don't miss the house but the people whom i would be leaving behind.

Djr1 Sem2

2012-01-11T22:21:00.000-08:00

I'm finally done with my semester 2 as of yesterday and i shall summarize my finals as a reminder to never ever slack again next semester (oh how i wish).

Tamadun Islam dan Asia

I totally 100% did not study much for this subject. Granted that this paper was on new year's eve and that i was doing last minute preparation to move then but that's a flimsy excuse to use to mask my procrastination. i was supposed to sit for the paper at 9am but i only started to study for it at 4am the same morning and even then it was not exactly studying because i was playing games also. i really hope that my coursework marks will not be wasted because of this.

English for Communication

Well I think I did adequately for this paper although i did a teeny-weeny mistake in my letter.

Mass Media and Society

Among all the other subject minus english, i think that this is the paper which i did not slack as much as the others. note that i said 'as much as the others' because i did slack while studying for this paper just not as much games or reading.

Intorduction to Human Communication

This is the paper that made me want to cry when I think about it and i'm not just saying it figuratively because i was really disappointed with myself. on a scale of 1-10 on slacking, i did a pretty impressive 100. i had about two days to study for this but i spent one and half day of it playing games on my phone and the thing was, this paper was quite easy so i literally did myself in for this one.

Writing for Electronic Media

I slack a lot for this paper too, only really started studying for it the night before the exam, however, i think i did all right for this as we were given guidelines. the only thing i'm worried about is that my coursework marks for this subject was not very satisfactory.

when i first started this semester, i really really wanted to get a 4.00 cgpa and i was determined to do it too at first but after a while everything starts to deteriorate. i was getting lazier, more laid back and less motivated; my coursework marks was not as good as compared to the first semester and not what i had expected too; my finals were also more screwed up as usual as i was totally diverted from studying. the good thing that came out from this semester was that some of the subjects were more interesting and that the assignments were much more fun. in this another fourteen weeks semester, i learned about human communication (which was really riveting), was assigned to write a 30 minutes tv script based on a book of our choice (which got me addicted to house of night and i'm so proud of my baby!), had to analyse movie conversation (which help me to relive my childhood again with mulan) and i got to see how tv and radio station works by visiting RTM for a course trip. all in all this was an okay semester but i hope to do better with drama and electronic publishing next semester. till then i'm just going to enjoy my semester break.

The first dinner

2012-01-11T20:22:00.000-08:00

Up until 45 minutes ago, I was supposed to dedicate my first post of the year to something huge and interesting but then something changed my mind: I had my first family dinner in 18 years. Let me explain this vague but shockful statement. My family never really had proper family dinner everyday and what I mean by proper is that we never sit down together to have a meal unless it was for Chinese New Year's reunion dinner which was once a year. Due to circumstances like working hours and the desire to watch television, we usually pile our plates with food then proceed to the living room and have our dinner on the couch with our eyes glued to the tv, with the exception of my mom. So to come downstairs today to see that the table had been set up and to have my very first proper family dinner, I was a little overwhelm. In 2011, I never had many family meals due to the fact that I was working like a workaholic for the first quarter of the year and then spend the weekdays of the other three quarter of a year staying at hostel. My mom don't cook on the weekends and usually every friday, the day which I usually got back from hostel, she usually cooks simple dishes like fried rice or fried noodles and for me, that doesn't actually account as a proper meal. This is actually a very mundane post but I can't help but want to pen it down. A simple home cook meal of three dishes and a soup might not mean a lot to one but to me it is significant because it reminds me that family does matter even if that family is kinda dysfunctional most of the time. I believe 2012 is going to be a good year.

A quickie

2011-12-24T22:26:00.000-08:00

#.Most creative people are the same. We do what we do for love and sometimes money but mostly we thrive on praise. We can't help loving our own work even if we sometimes hate it, but having someone else love it often means so much more.

I apologize..

2011-11-28T19:00:00.000-08:00

for all the times i went "Gosh, why are that actor/actress sprouting rubbish? What was the scriptwriter thinking?!", "Why are they airing these kind of boring show?", "I can write a wayyyyyyy better script than that!"etc because you will never know how hard it is to write a script for the electronic media until you have to write a 30 minutes script for the pilot series of a book. fml for the coming two weeks

of three years ago

2011-11-23T14:50:00.000-08:00

i remember there were once in my life when i kept ranting on and on about how love hurts and how much i had been wounded in relationships and sorts. it was about three years ago and eventually i grew out of that long and self-deprecating phase but even then i never really let myself immerse in unnecessary feelings anymore. i barricaded my emotions and steeled myself from having feelings that will eventually become the ruin of me.

i thought i would happier that way but i was wrong because after all the efforts and years it took me to mould myself to be who i thought i should be i was not any happier than i was before. i was even more confused and upset and so i played the blame game; i blame it on love and then i blamed myself for falling for the wrong guy(s) but it was not until recently that i realized i am to be blamed but it was not for the reason that i thought it was.

i did not fall for the wrong guy(s) because i realize that i didn't fall for them at all.

three years ago was one of the most difficult phase in my life. i was faced with one problem after another challenge and being the female that i was, i latched on the the nearest life saving buoy: knight in shining armor. i deluded myself into liking people whom i thought would be able to lift me up from all the loneliness and rejection that i was feeling and needless to say i was wrong and it's no wonder that none of those 'relationships' work out.

i thought i like them but the truth is i like the idea of them or specifically i like the idea of love. it was childish and very damsel-in-distress-like of me to do so but i would never reprimand myself for doing so because i did what i have to do. it was wrong of me but unless you're in my shoes you would not understand all that i have been through.

i don't exactly know why i'm justifying my actions here. maybe its because i feel the need to tell someone/everyone or maybe its just the need to admit my mistake publicly so that i wouldn't repeat what i've done.

but what i know for sure is that: after countless of depression that I've sunk into and millions of self-doubts that i've been through i have finally gone through that phase. yes, i still have moments when i doubt myself and moments when i'm not happy but these moments are getting lesser and less frequent in between.

i'm still sporting the scars and wound from that phase; scars and wounds that would never fully heal but would always be there to show me what i've been through and to keep me strong.

its getting harder to grasp on

2011-10-21T20:34:00.000-07:00

i feel like i'm slacking way too much this semester and somehow i find that i don't enjoy this semester as much as i should. its such a monumental task nowadays to drag myself up from bed for my classes especially when my class starts at 8am everyday and when i'm in class all i wish is for it to end faster so that i can go back to cuddle up in my bed and read. my assignments are all in a mess because of my procrastination and i think i might have screwed up my english presentation today.

they try to tell me how to feel

2011-10-13T21:24:00.000-07:00

there are times too when the writer in me fails; times like these when my thoughts are way too convoluted to put in meager words.

Happiness is indeed a choice

2011-10-11T10:56:00.000-07:00

; Has it ever occurred to you that our wounds are what drive us to create? After all, loss in one arena compels us to compensate in others. Think about the senses. The way loss of sight leads to heightened senses of smell, touch and hearing for the blind. What if the same is true of the creative process? What if those who’ve lost something compensate for it in their works? In that case their damage helps them. It’s what compels them to create. — Jennifer Cody Epstein (The Painter of Shanghai)

i hate you. i really do

2011-10-09T21:05:00.000-07:00

sometimes when its too much to bear, i want to scream at her with all my might. to scream my reason on why i drive her to the walls. to scream at her the consequences of what she had made me do 3 years ago but mostly i didn't because its just too much. to talk about what he was like is akin to asking me to relive my hell all over again as i'm not sure if the words that tumbled out of my mouth would be just to the action of his. how he tried to caged me and made me into becoming who he wanted me to be. how i detest the sight of him. whenever i hear her call him, i always had the urge to tell her the truth; that the saint that she painted him to be is a far cry from who he really is. but again i didn't because talking about it made me ill with disgust. disgust at him and her for making me who i am today - the cynic who really didn't know how to be happy for i was brought up in a mess of a family and then tried to be molded in a docile traditional female in my adolescent. i hate him with all my heart and because of that i begrudged her for chaining me to him thus the attitude.

i'm not sure if i'll ever tell you what had happened between me and him because these events are greater than what mere words could tell and i'm even less sure if i'll truly ever forgive you for pushing me to him because you're the one who is suppose to protect me not hurt me. instead you didn't because you didn't know, still this excuse is too flimsy a one to heal the wound that both of you had made in me.

Dear October...

2011-10-06T20:17:00.000-07:00

...just when i thought that you have been treating me fairly well i have to tear my patellar tendon and dislodge my knee joint; and there's nothing - absolutely nothing - the chinese physician can do (at least not in this fortnight) so here goes two weeks of limping around in college for nothing.

#Untitled one

2011-10-04T21:07:00.000-07:00

and so there i was, sitting on an old worn chair in the bank clutching my bag in one hand while fervently turning the pages of my book of the moment when suddenly someone clutch my right hand and commanded my attention. i figured she is in her sixties; with her wrinkled face, almost-white hair and freckles sprinkled all over her hand and face. i plastered a smile on my face and answered her questions as accurately as i could in my broken cantonese and being the elderly as she is, she continue to ramble on to me about her husband who was scouring for an empty parking space outside and how the parking space there are always congested, i agreed with her and gave her an appropriate reply although it was my first time in that area

after giving her a few more appropriate responses to her monologue she fell quiet beside me, waiting for the husband of hers. albeit already being given the permission to go back to my book by her silent consent i did not for she had managed to arrest my attention so i studied her instead and realized that she had the same hair as her - the short perm hair and though she was a tad bigger in size and does not smelled of the heavy-flowery perfume that she usually adorned, i'm reminded of her.

how long has it been now? four months? five months? somehow i've lost count of the days that she has been gone from our life. it is distressing to say this but life has move on without her. and this sadden me the most; how life does not stop for anyone. how one person who used to mean so much to you - and still does- can be so easily forgotten in the midst of going through everyday life. how once you stop being real - flesh and blood- you're deemed to be non-existent albeit being solidly carved into the memory tablet.

thus, i stifle the urge to move across the room to look for the friend of mine and relish the moment of sitting beside this old lady. she might be a poor substitute for her but for a moment or two there i almost forgot that she wasn't in our life anymore. for that short five minutes, by some means i had managed to convince myself that the lady sitting beside me is indeed her. i'm not saying that i miss her so terribly that i broke into tears right then and there because i didn't. i'm not saying that i would give anything to have her back because i have finally accepted that she's better over there than remaining here and suffer. all i'm saying is that for that five minutes, i was content beyond reasons.

when i leave the bank a whole twenty minutes later after helping the said old lady in her transaction mainly because of the language barrier between her and the banker, for once in many many long and depressing months i felt that the world isn't that bad after all

And I'm not coming around again

2011-10-03T05:30:00.000-07:00

it's minute things like this that makes me crave for a relationship. i don't need a whirlwind romance that last momentarily. i need a relationship that last with someone whom i can depend my life on. i don't need fancy presents or sweet words from you because sometimes all i need is to lie with you on the couch and just watch tv in utter silence. i don't want you to be a prince charming on a white horse, i just need you to be real. someone whom i'm totally comfortable with. someone whom i can share the rest of my life with by doing menial things together. someone who will finally be able to understand me for who i am and love me for it just the same. it's a lot to demand for in someone but i just can't settle for anything less.

In the space between yes and no

2011-09-30T23:28:00.000-07:00

maybe it'll only be a tiny step at a time, however, a tiny step forward is much more desired than staying rooted on the place pondering of the past and eventually and inevitably taking huge leap after leap backwards. maybe i'm not good and i'll never be anything other than an amateur and cliche writer but i know that despite my melancholic nature i'll regret it if i don't even attempt to try so i will; i will write even if it's nothing but rubbish. i will write even if it's hugely criticized and i will write because thats just who i am and who i want to be.

Stop and Start

2011-09-30T18:51:00.000-07:00

it's sad to realize this and even more pathetic to say it but then its nothing but the truth. i've been wallowing in self-pity a lot for the past few months (years even!) and i'm just tired. tired of looking down on myself. tired of criticizing myself and i guess its just time for me to stop doing so and start appreciating who i am and what i'm capable of.

When everything's made to be broken

2011-09-26T21:00:00.000-07:00

It is during moments like this when I realize how inept I am in my writing. Moments when my breath is caught at how beautiful some words are crafted by one. Moments when I pondered how can one express their thoughts so exquisitely? Moments when I just loathe myself for my inability to write like them.

When everything else fails

2011-09-25T17:58:00.000-07:00

Shanghai Girls by Lisa See
The Calligrapher's Daughter by Eugenia Kim
The Other Queen by Phillipa Gregory
Evening is the whole day by Preeta Samarasan
The Concubine's Daughter by Pai Kit Fai
The translation of beauty by Mia Yun
The Queen's Fool/ The Virgin Lover by Phillipa Gregory
The Chocolate Run/ The Cupid Effect by Dorothy Koomson
My Best Friend's Girl by Dorothy Koomson

till then I shall stay away from the alluring trap of a bookstore.

A dose of happiness

2011-09-23T01:33:00.000-07:00

i'm way past the stage where i still believe in happily ever after, however, i won't deny the fact that i occasionally indulge myself with some cheesy korean drama series and truth is most of the time i do enjoy them but never once did it disillusioned my stance that happily ever after does not exist. i'm ever the cynic in the romance chapter and it suits me that way and yet when i was stoning in front of my laptop willing for the darn tarc website to load for me to register my co-curriculum so that i'll be able to crawl back to my bed and sleep for my 8am class today, i stumbled upon something not so accidentally; something that made my heart flutters and had me thinking that maybe happily ever after does exist albeit only for a few and far between people. people who are lucky enough to stumble upon lady romance and managed to coaxed her to stay happily ever after in their life.

p/s: http://quaintly.net/2011/09/sunset-during-seminar/

Atychiphobia

2011-09-22T18:48:00.000-07:00

CGPA : 3.9375

"You are pretty harsh on yourself. Do you know that?" she was told. It was a statement more of a question and the many retorts that were instantly sprung within her died upon reaching her lips and was instead replaced by a infinitesimal nod of her head. She knew she should deny it vehemently but by doing so she would be lying outright to that one person who had managed to see through her and no matter how much she wanted to she knew she couldn't do it. She wanted to explain it but she knew she couldn't find the right words to do so and so she sat there numbly and stareds back at that one person who had managed to unravel what she had kept deep and dark inside of her for so many long and lonely years.

She always knew that she's harder on herself more than anyone else. She couldn't explain why she wanted everything to be perfect because for as long as she knows that's just how things should be. She couldn't tell people that she's not satisfied with her results just because it's tainted by that one A- for she knew that by doing so, one would deemed her to be cocky and will put her entire action as a parade to fish for compliments. However, that's not how the thing is for her. For she really felt that her results is just not perfect enough. She couldn't tell them that for the very same reason why she couldn't understand why she is such a perfectionist herself; why she just have to wrap all her books impeccably before stamping them with her name; why she is only willing to draw a line with a ruler and not without it; why she's such a frigid person who yearns for a change and yet unwilling to take drastic measure.

It's not a want for her but rather it's a need. A need to do everything perfectly because everything else just isn't and so with a voice that seemed rather shaky, she replied as calmly as she could, "Because that's the only way I can cope."

http://moac-me.blogspot.com/2011/08/melancholic.html

If I could only find a note to make you understand

2011-09-13T10:16:00.000-07:00

But life is loneliness, despite all the opiates, despite the shrill tinsel of gaiety of 'parties' with no purpose , despite the false grinning faces we all wear. And when at last, you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter - they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. Yes, there is joy, fulfillment and companionship - but the loneliness of the soul in its appalling self-consciousness is horrible and overpowering.

— Sylvia Plath

Two weeks of paradise

2011-09-05T12:02:00.000-07:00

Here's what I'm going to do for the rest of my holidays:

Write.
Start working out again. I miss how I used to work out everyday back when I was still working at Celebrity Fitness; the adrenaline rush during the vigorous workout, the sweating and how I feel much much better after each workout.
Revamp my wardrobe. I'm going to start clearing out all the clothes that I haven't been wearing and wouldn't be wearing, then I'm going to go on a shopping spree to update my wardrobe. tumblr influence#
Get a writing job. I still berate myself for losing all four of my writing jobs because of sheer procrastination.
Finish up Waters for Elephant, Evening is the whole day & Shanghai Girls. It's amazing how much I want to read these books during exam and when I'm free to do so I loose my interest.
Watch all the Korean drama series and the English movies in my lappy.
Clean my horribly messy room. Despite the fact that I stayed at hostel for 5 days in a week for the past four months my room at home still get horribly messy. le sigh#
Try out the recipes that I found in magazine. I like cooking albeit not being very good at it, however, I hate the cleaning up afterwards.

You tie me down

2011-09-05T11:06:00.000-07:00

There is only so much you can do before you realize you just need to let go and not let it bother you anymore — Tumblr

And she twirls around and around

2011-08-26T09:21:00.000-07:00

Semester 1 has officially ended!

I had my last paper yesterday then the bunch of us went down to KL to just hang around. We started off with McD then LowYat then when the rest were headed to Pavillion, I wandered off to look for my sandals. I fell down the stairs in college on Tuesday and like luck would have it, my sandals broke (and I was wearing a mini skirt. Oh the horror!) so I was urgently and desperately in need for a new sandals for my trip to Taiwan on Monday. Managed to bought one comfortable yet chic sandal within my budget then met the rest in Sg.Wang's Snowflake.

I had wanted to go back already before HuanHee texted me and asked me to accompany her to eat Snowflake in Sg.Wang (the coincidence) and after several seconds of persuasion and several minutes of reluctance, I decided to stay back after all and waited for her. I had a round of Snowflake with her and met her boy before we wandered off and stayed nearly two hours in Cotton On. It was late already when we headed back to college and hence with no choice I hastily packed all my four months of remnants of hostel stay before headed home.

Overall I guess I did okay for my finals, however, I'm not that sure that 4.00 CGPA is still within my grasp. I think I blew off my chance of getting an A for Intro to IT when I wasted 1 1/2 days of the 2 days allocated to revise for IT by reading fictions (old habit die hard). The Journalism paper was hard also as in like I had just enough time to do all the four questions only.But still I'm praying, hoping and wishing that I can still get A for all five papers. Semester 1 was fun and I heard that Semester 2 promised to be hectic. I can't wait or Semester 2 to start although my 3 weeks holiday had just begun and I will be starting the iconic start of Semester2 on my 18th birthday. Till then I shall rot for 2 weeks at home.

On an unrelated note, I was perusing through my fb when I came to the fact that a very close friend of mine from when I was working at Celebrity has started college and I was stunned. For me, all my colleagues at Celebrity are mature and adult albeit the fact that some of them are only two or three years older than me. So when I found out that someone whom I deemed to be so adult and mature are going through the same phase-college- as me I was a tad too stunned before I came to my senses and feel elated for her. Although I only know her for a mere three months, she's more of a closer friend to me than some whom I have known for years. She's a strong lady who handles the difficulties life had thrown at her without faltering. A lady that despite her complicated childhood and difficult adolescent has turned out to be who no one has expected her to be and for that I hope you'll be a successful psychologist, monyet :D

P.s: I really hope you will remember. I really do.

My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Piccoult

2011-08-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

I never read any book twice which is why it is such a surprise that not only did I read My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Piccoult twice but on both occasion also it made me wept my heart out. My Sister’s Keeper is the first book by Jodi Piccoult which I read and which got me addicted to her writings. She is an amazing author who touches controversial topics in her writing. Be it a gun shot in high school or a gay relationship, she is the one author who manages to touch in-depth on these topics and yet never offend anyone. She is the one author who never fails to inspire me with her writings. If I were to ask to pick any author books to read for the rest of my life, I would pick her

In My Sister’s Keeper, Jodi Piccoult spins a fast-paced tale about betrayal and redemption in a family which are falling apart. It tells the story of Anna and Kate; two sisters who are bonded together by Kate’s leukaemia. Kate’s leukaemia is the sole reason on why Anna was brought into the world and also the main reason that are tearing the Fitzgerald family apart. For thirteen years, Anna was who the doctors and their mother turn to in order to save Kate from her never ending medical condition. Be it a bone marrow or leukocytes, Anna was the supplier.

No one ever asked her for her permission, they just assumed that she was willing to go through countless operations and growth shots in order for Kate to live. To finally be able to live her life without being overshadowed by her sister, Anna sued her parents for medical emancipation; to finally be able to have a say on her own body rights. And by doing that she unravels the threads that were barely holding her family together.

Not willing to let her Kate die from kidney failure, both of their mother, Sara Fitzgerald decided to go against the lawsuit. On the surface, Sara was described as the cold-hearted mother who was willing to go against anything against the odd to save her elder daughter from dying even if it means exploiting her younger daughter and neglecting her son, Jesse. Jesse was the neglected son. The first born that was forgotten in the midst of their never ending attempts of saving Kate and thus he grew up to be rebellious.

However if you look deeper, instead of seeing a cold-hearted mother, you will see a mother who is torn into two. A mother who loves her children so much that nothing she do will ever be good enough for them. Sara was put in a tight spot when she was asked to choose between her daughters; a daughter whom she had devoted her whole life to or a daughter whom she had neglected; a daughter who are dying physically or a daughter who are dying emotionally. Who will you choose if you were her?

It also makes us ponder on Anna’s action. By instigating the lawsuit, does it make her the selfish younger sister or does it shows a terrified and vulnerable thirteen years old who just wants to live?

I love this book because it made us realize that there are always two sides to a coin. It also questions our belief on right and wrong; what might be right might be wrong and what we deemed to be wrong might be right all along. This book also portrayed that there’s only a thin line separating moral and law when love and compassion are involved in the equations.

Overall, I would rate this book 11 out of 10.

The light at the end of the tunnel

2011-08-10T16:13:00.000-07:00

Tarc grading system is that 60% of our final semester marks comes from our coursework marks which consist of individual/group assignments and also presentation meanwhile the rest of the 40% comes from our final exam. Apparently I'm doing pretty well in my coursework. I actually scored the highest in two of my subject; Hubungan Etnik(which is a compulsory sejarah-like subject) and also on my IT practical. I'm also the only one in my course that gets an A in Hubungan Etnik. I also did pretty well for my journalism coursework. My journalism lecturer actually applauded me for my mid-term exam. An exam in which I was suppose to form 5 questions then go out and interview two people then write a news article about the increasing number of jobless graduates in Malaysia. I was the fastest to form my questions and she actually commented that my questions are good and that I was the only one in my course that actually narrowed down my focus for the exam, plus she was very satisfied with the questions that I came up for each of the ministry in my Cabinet Members coursework. She also told me that I have potential to be a good journalist. It might be a small and petty compliment to others but for me I couldn't have been happier. Besides, for a person like me who shy away from attention and who loathe to speak in front of public I did myself proud by garnering compliments from my lecturers that I'm good in my presentation. They said that I managed to deliver my points efficiently with my voice being loud and clear and also by my body language. I actually scored a 27/30 for my Hubungan Etnik presentation; the highest mark he has ever given to all of the 200+ students that he was teaching. I am not stating all this to brag but with all the negativity and downs that I was having in my life lately all these are actually a very good turns of events in my life. Compliments that will keep me going and striving hard to achieve what I want.

P.s: am going to study super hard to score a 3.75/4.00 CGPA for my first semester (:

And here she goes again

2011-08-07T18:23:00.000-07:00

I amaze myself at how easily i fall apart these days. How easily I hurt myself by trusting and caring for people who I deemed to be my friends.

Melancholic

2011-08-05T16:55:00.000-07:00

The Melancholic mind has a Motive derived from 'perfection'; they are idealists, and wish for everything to be a certain way. This leads to emergent traits such as self-deprecation - they can't live up to their standards; analysis and learning - in order to understand, to know, because to be ignorant is to be lacking; being critical - since others don't live up to their standards; stubborness - a trait shared with the choleric, but due to a differnent 'motive'; they are tenacious and cannot let things go because 'good enough' is not good enough, and perfection is a desirable outcome.

Their generally dour demeanour comes about as this inner struggle between an imperfect world and a desire for perfection, and their introversion comes about similarly; they don't feel that they are worthy so seeking out others with confidence is difficult. They may also feel that others do not interest them sufficiently since they don't meet their too-high standards.

In a primitive pack, they may have been the 'analyst'; the one who surveyed, gathered data, and so on; a middle rank. Their analysis was important for survival, and the more accurate it is, the better the chances of that survival; hence the perfectionism developing.

Melancholics are introverted pessimists. They prefer to spend their time alone, deep in thought. They tend to be inventors, scientists, artists, and the like.

They are very sensitive and emotional people. Criticism hurts them a lot, and they spend a lot of time being very moody... but they are the types to go and sob in a corner to themselves rather than scream in anger at anyone.

They tend to have unrealistically high expectations and standards. Things must be RIGHT according to their own personal idea of what's right; this leads to them arguing almost as much as cholerics would, but for different reasons. The choleric may argue to assert his superiority, but the melancholic would argue to 'set wrongs right'.

They are tenacious, and cannot leave alone things that they find to be wrong; they 'refuse to drop it' or 'let it go'. This can lead to intolerance and even more arguing.

Due to their absurdly high standards, they find themselves failing to meet them and this leads to self-deprecation. They are loth to push themselves forward or brag about themselves, even if they are particularly skilled.

They are analytical and seek to understand things thoroughly; this, along with most of their time spent alone rather than having fun with others, is what leads them to becoming scientific or artistic.

They ask specific questions and crave detailed answers. Knowledge, information, understanding... these things are all deeply important to them.

They can be difficult to know, as they do get moody, jealous, and so on... but they realise their own faults. They hate others, but hate themselves as well.

Melancholics are perfectionists. Often, things are a 'perfect or nothing' affair; if they can't do something impeccably, then they often won't do it at all. Due to their low opinion of themselves, this often leads to them not doing things because they feel they'll only fail.

They are known to complain all the time about nearly everything, but these complaints tend to be directed at 'things in general' rather than criticism of a specific person. "My legs hurt! The sky's too bright! I don't like the look of those houses! Politics are annoying! I don't like things!"

They tend to judge people quickly and in detail, assessing the nature of a person from their clothing, their mannerisms, just the look of them... They make up their mind about people quickly from what they observe briefly, and it's hard to change this first impression

déplacement sur les

2011-08-03T21:32:00.000-07:00

i've spent some time thinking about you today and i came to the conclusion that you're definitely someone i want and need in my life but that doesn't necessarily mean you will so im letting myself go from this tangle of mess and instead focus on something that i can get when i try hard enough.

The ♥ of my life

2011-08-01T21:07:00.000-07:00

Nokia E6

I fell deeply and madly in ♥ with this baby. How can anybody not? I shall save up and buy this baby of mine by the end of the year but only if i get a 3.75 cgpa for my first semester exam.that will be a great motivation for to me strive harder for the finals i hope.

Cliché

2011-07-21T19:51:00.000-07:00

if only its that easy

and just like that she crumbles apart. again. however this time there's nothing left for her to hold onto. the only thing which had kept her sane had been snatched away with just that one word. the only thing which had kept her happy and contented had been tainted with just that one word. and it is during times like this that she smiles her brightest smile and pretends that nothing hurts when truth is everything hurts.

Birthday wishlist

2011-07-20T00:39:00.000-07:00

All I ever want for my 18th birthday is:

Nokia E6
Sing You Home by Jodi Piccoult
~~Evening is the whole day by Preeta Samarasan~~
The Ice Cream Girls by Dorothy Koomson
The Woman He Loved before by Dorothy Koomson
The Calligrapher's Daughter by Eugenia Kim

*pretty pretty please* :3

Shopping Spree: Hatyai 2011

2011-07-19T23:50:00.000-07:00

My shopping haul from my short trip to Hatyai the other day. Manage to splurge on quite a few stuff as compared to my last time there which was 4 years ago;

#1 Black pump (RM30)

i had my eyes on another pair of 6 inch boots but my mom was adamant that i will definitely fall wearing that so i got this instead; had wanted to get the grey version of this heels which is more chic and versatile but the stall only sells one pair of heels for each size and they ran out of my size for the grey one so no choice but still i'm happy

#2 Super adorable flip flop (RM12)

bought this at the pasar but apparently we got scammed for a higher price as we saw the exact one sold for only RM6 at a roadside stall *heartache*

#3 hair clip (3 for RM5)

#4 Hot pink pencil skirt (RM20)

totally love this skirt. all my blouse, skirts, pants and dress that are formal enough for my presentations are all in shades of black and white. boring i know but now i can add more fun and colour with this skirt.

#5 Liese: Cassis Berry (RM29)

bought this at the supermarket because they're selling it way cheaper than the price you can get it in Malaysia. i saved a whooping RM9 and they came with a free gift also (:

Overall the trip wasn't that memorable but i'm a happy woman nonetheless with all my goods :3

One thing

2011-07-13T13:48:00.000-07:00

I really need at the moment is to be truly genuinely happy; to be able to really feel joy instead of just a glimpse of it. Its all I want at the moment. Please?

Passion is what matters the most

2011-07-12T05:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith. I’m convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You’ve got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle.”
— Text of Steve Jobs’ commencement address, Stanford University, 2005

Child Abuse

2011-07-08T20:51:00.000-07:00

An old post of mine from my old blog;

Have you ever come across children in threadbare or tattered clothing begging for money on the roads or wandering alone on the streets? Have you ever seen children with burnt marks, scalded skins and scars all over their body? Or have you by any chance had any acquaintance with an adorable child who looks perfectly fine on the outside but is carrying emotional scars on the inside? Have you?

Because I had and every single time any of it happens, my heart always go out to them. Don't get me wrong, I'm not the type that wear my heart on my sleeves and cry for every single thing on earth because I'm not. But there is nothing more heart wrenching than seeing (literally) a child being abuse.

It should not hurt to be a child but for some it does. The many protagonists in the non-fictions that Cathy Glass wrote about went through the most unimaginable things that you can think of; raped, abandoned, abused, and more. These are the things that are not suppose to happen to anyone what more a child but it doesn't just stop there- these things were done to them by the one who was suppose to protect them. These are the kids whose trusts are betrayed by the very same person who should have protected them instead.

Take Constance Briscoe as an example: she was one of the first black women to sit as a judge in UK. People who had not read her book will not realize that she was terribly abused by her own mother- a person who was suppose to love and dote on her instead abused her in every way possible that Constance went as far as to get herself admitted to a children's home. She is a successful person but it must have been a long and horrendous route to reach where she is today. From attempting suicide to her visits to various doctors, from financing her own studies to finally publishing Ugly. Yes, its undeniable that what she went through had made her a better and stronger person. But seriously, does anyone deserve this kind of abuse?

I don't think so. Children are gifts. Gifts that many yearned for and yet were denied of while some just take them lightly. Childhood are suppose to be the happiest phase in our life because that the only time when we're not plagued with problems, worries and dilemmas. Because thats the time when we're truly happy or sad because we just are. No pretending to smile or trying to hide our problems to the world. Children are the most straightforward being. They are a blessing in disguise.

I am lucky and grateful that I did not have to go through what Vicky Jaggers, Dave Pelzer, and Vanessa Steel went through but in lieu of just being happy and grateful with our life we can do something to prevent this from happening. We can stop child abuse if we want to. At the end of the day,it all comes down to whether or not we are willing to do something? I am. Are you?

Life so far

2011-07-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

I have been in college for 10 weeks including orientation and so far I'm coping. I'm only taking five subjects this semester and I find that most of my lecturers are likable enough albeit not having good command of English. My seniors are really nice and I'm getting along quite well with my course mates. Hostel life is pretty okay in fact; I have the freedom I need and I get to wake up really late for class since I'm practically staying on campus but I hate going back on friday because my timetable is a biatch.

I'm going fro an impromptu trip to Hatyai next friday and I can't wait for the trip to Taiwan end of next month although it will probably clash with my finals *sigh* However much that I don't want to resit my exam because of being absent, I cannot forgo this trip either since this will probably be my last sponsored trip. I'm back to planning my backpacking trip. I'm still saving up the money and I hope that I have the courage to tell my mom of my first solo backpacking trip abroad and hopefully she will agree to it *cross fingers*

I bumped into a member of mine the other day and it made me realized that I still miss work very much. I left without notifying most of my member but the close ones. It is irresponsible of me but at that time I still couldn't fathom the idea of resigning hence I choose oblivion. I do know that even if I'm still working there, things are very different now because most of them whom I treasured are no longer there anymore but still it does not stop me from missing the days I spent working there.

2011 has been a pretty eventful year for me. I've met people whom I really really cherish and eventually I had lost two people who matters a lot to me. IMY ahma and C.

Once upon a time

2011-06-26T12:40:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time there was a girl. She was a girl who had always deemed herself to be independent, daring and impulsive. She does things that just pop up in her head. She used to follow her heart without fearing the consequences. That was until growing up happened. She grew up from the little girl who does everything and anything she wishes to to become a teen that fear of everything. She no longer follow her heart anymore instead she let reasons and rational gets the better of her. She still dreams of freedom of course but a dream will always be somewhat a dream, no? She is afraid of whom she is turning to be but she’s more terrified of coming out of her comfort zone. She is afraid that life will pass her by and yet she’s terrified of leaping into life as it is. She is afraid of so many things nowadays but what she feared the most is what if she will never ever be who she was anymore even if she tried. Then what? Is this what growing up is, she mused. If it is then she wishes she never did grow up. She wishes she was still the little girl of five who dared to do anything she wishes to. Someone wise once told her that "you can still be who you were if you would just let go and live life as it is." Can she? Will she really be able to let go of all the insecurities of life and just live? This is not a fairytale instead this is just a tale of an ordinary girl who is afraid to live her life. A life that has ended the moment she grew up.

de pousser les gens loin

2011-06-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder if i'm pushing people who matters away deliberately just to test their boundaries. to see if they will still stand by me no matter what. its crazy i know but its the only way for me to learn to trust again although its terribly lonely a route to take alone.

Ecstasy of mine

2011-06-19T18:57:00.000-07:00

Ian Harding / Ezra Fitz ♥

friendship perhaps?

2011-06-08T01:05:00.000-07:00

If she was presented with this opportunity before these she would have ravish it without second thoughts. Grab it with both of her hands and never let it go until she was bored with it but that was a lifetime ago. A time where she had been the old her ; the old her which had hurt many people along the way because of her selfish need and because of her fear of being alone. But she had learnt from her mistake, taking this opportunity will not make her happy, it just satiate her fear momentarily till the cold hard truth slammed her hard again, or, frankly speaking till her attention span was soaked with enough to last her for some time then she would go and break another heart in the same old way. She is tired of going around doing things that she will definitely regret later on but she was so afraid that she wouldn’t find that someone who would take her breath away. She is terrified that what if she has mistaken affection from friendliness? What if she had just wanted someone and not anyone in particular? What if she was to break his heart and ruin the friendship in between? And the biggest what if of all if she was to open her heart for real and risk being wounded again by the same old reason? With so much at risk, she decided she would pretend that nothing had tugged her heart in the first place. That what happened that day was just being in the right place at the right time. Nothing more and nothing less from a pure and sincere friendship.

Have your pick

2011-06-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

I write to give myself strength. I write to be the characters that I am not. I write to explore all the things I’m afraid of.

Impulsive writing makes me happy (:

2011-05-24T17:30:00.000-07:00

Its beeen a while since I really write. I wasn't into the mood to write since SPM's over which means it has been months but the minute I saw Pouleen's post in facebook, I knew that I have to continue from where she stops. Its good really to write again; to feel the words and plot just simultaneously flowing out as you type. Not to mention the satisfaction I get from this impulsive writing.

Starting of the story:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/notes/pauline-low/short-love-story/10150194598612450?notif_t=note_reply or http://iknowyoudontgiveadamnaboutmylife.blogspot.com/2011/05/tear-jerking-love-story.html

My ending:

Finally he hailed a cab to the airport after getting frustrated at listening to her voicemail over and over again. He got the earliest flight to Vancouver and looked for her as soon as the plane touches down.

He was grinning ear to ear the whole journey from the airport to her house. Finally, the cab driver couldn’t keep the curiosity to himself anymore, asked him,

“Where are you heading to young man? You look so happy!”

He smile sheepishly and said, “Chasing the love that I had foolishly chased away three years ago.”

“Good luck in that! Although I don’t believe that she would have waited for you; true love never waits for anyone,” sneer the cab driver.

Thinking that he was just an old and bitter man, he brushed off the cab driver’s comment and remains happy throughout the whole journey. Unshaven, grubby and jetlagged he finally reach Jane’s house and knocked on her door. No one answered. He knocks again and again and again. Finally her neighbour heard the knocks and approached him.

“Who are you looking for?” asked a fiftyish woman in her pyjamas.

He replied nervously, “Jane. I’m looking for Jane. Where is she?”

As soon as he finished talking, he realized that the woman’s face was washed with grief. She smiled solemnly and asked him to wait for a minute meanwhile she hurried to her house and took a white envelope and passed it to him. Without saying another word she headed back to her house.

Suddenly he seemed to be shaking with fear; He was afraid to know what was in the envelope. Could it be that Jane had found someone else and this is the letter that said she has moved on? But then again why Jane would write him a letter and not mailed it to him and instead passed it to her neighbour? He was confused. Contemplating no more, he ripped the envelope apart and read the letter.

Dear Alex,If you are reading this letter, it can only mean that you have realize how foolish you were by pushing me away and it also means that you have realized that I’m the one for you. I really hoped that you would have realized earlier because by the time you’re reading this, I’m no longer here anymore. Remember the time I professed everything to you and you pushed me away so cruelly. The afternoon before I professed, I was diagnosed with a stage four cancer. I had professed to you, hoping that you will be there for me during my last phase of life but sadly you made a choice that hurt me terribly and in the end you hurt yourself too. There’s nothing more I can say to you and there’s nothing more that you can do because you had made that decision long long time ago. Goodbye and I hope you will be happy.

Sincerely,Jane.

He did not break down nor did he shed a single tear. He hailed a cab instead and headed back to airport hoping to get home as soon as possible. He was terribly wounded by the decision that he had made three years ago and frankly speaking, knowing that Jane had died, he felt that a part of him had vanished along with her. He didn’t dare to ask Jane’s neighbour where she was buried because all he wanted to do was to burry all these behind of him and move on. He might come off as selfish and cold blooded but he knew himself that if he didn’t do what he was doing he would never be able to face life again and so he took the earliest flight home and move on.

He never found anyone like Jane and he never found anymore reason to smile again. He had contemplated to commit suicide the first few months after finding out that Jane had died but he never managed to do that. It was not because that he was afraid of dying but it was more of the fact that he knew committing suicide would be a pleasure death for him. Because of his foolishness, he had cause Jane to die alone and thus he believe that he should have the same fate as her. He took care of his health and lived till he was eighty. He too died a lonely death like Jane, with no family members or friends by his side.

I'm happy just like that

2011-05-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

i want to curl up on my bed and read a good read except that i have just been doing that for the past week. im happy that way. i like to think that im quite a simple lass. all i need is a book and nil disturbance and im contented. life has been good to me so far. college wasn't that great and yet it was not that bad either. im still missing work and im still missing her but im coping. events happening around me lately had opened up my eyes to how fragile our life is which inspire me to just do what I want, not in a reckless way of course but to just live a little and not regret about all the what ifs later on. i got three writing offers and i lost all of it all because of sheer procrastination. im awesome just like that but i guess im a all or nothing writer; i either write or i just dont which explains why i havent been writing for a long long time. i miss writing. i do. its just that im not the mood now.

2011-05-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

enough said.

♥ Je les aime

2011-05-09T17:00:00.000-07:00

I love your; my quirky colleagues of three and a half month. There might be times when your annoyed the hell out of me but there are also many a time when I had tremendous fun and laughter with your; uncountable fun as we walk the floor, non stop chattering away when we were supposed to drag in, intercom-ing when its time for us to make phone call, going for late night supper after close out, karaoke, dinner, Movida and also my farewell. We have been through thick and thin and it’s really hard for me not to miss the times we had together. All of your treated me like a little sister, teaching me all I have to know about work and life in general. I'm forever grateful that I had chosen this job or maybe this job had chosen me instead. Either way, as clichéd as it may sound all my times working with you guys will be forever etched in me.

A pocketful of regret

2011-04-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Ahma,

You were realistic and selfish even toward your own kin's; you were calculative and had done so many things that never would one imagine a mother would do. You had so many people despising you and frankly speaking I had grown up hating you until one point of my life when I had learned to love you instead. Yes you might not be the best grandmother around, heck you're not even an ordinary one to start with and you are definitely not the type of grandmother that I wish I had but I never wanted to lose you and definitely not this quick. Looking at you lying motionlessly on that bed I tried so hard to recall the last time I actually spoke to you and realize that it was a month ago and the words you told me was, "Bye. Come again next week," and I had nodded my head vehemently although I knew that I wasn't going to see you the week after because I would be working. I consistently blame you for not being the grandmother that I wanted but was I ever a good granddaughter to you? You took care of me when I stayed at your house and in return what have I ever done for you? I promised to take you out for dinner after I got my first salary but in the endless cycle of working and spending money on unnecessary things I never managed to do that. Even when you were admitted to hospital I only manage to visit you once and the moment I saw you suffering from stroke I couldn't even muster my courage to call you ahma because I was afraid that I would break down and now I wouldn't have the chance to call you anymore in the future; I wouldn't have the chance to tell you that I'm doing well in my studies; I wouldn't have the chance to bring my special one home for you to inspect and criticize; I wouldn't have a chance to be filial to you anymore because all I have is the regret that I wasn't good enough to you when you were still alive.

From:

Writing my dreams

2011-04-08T23:40:00.000-07:00

A career you love or a career that pays? Money does matter to me but I do believe that passion triumphs all. I had registered for college and will be taking up journalism. Despite how others deem this job to be tiring, lifeless and do not pay much, I'm still adamant about doing this for life. I believe that a job that you love doing will eventually pay. Although I'm still a lil insecure about my writing ability and still finds it hard to believe that people are complementing me on my pieces, I decided to follow my heart and go through with my decision.

Will be resigning end of this month and frankly speaking, I'm a little heavy hearted. I started this job feeling scared and stress out but eventually I grew to love it; the different type of people you meet everyday, the quirky and lively colleagues, and obviously the money I'm making. I had even thought of staying in this industry but decided the better of it. In the near distant future I might venture back into this line but for now I will just concentrate on my enthusiasm on starting college and staying at the hostel. My hostel fetish might wane off after a few weeks but for now I'm all hyped up about being independent.

Lost perhaps?

2011-04-05T23:15:00.000-07:00

Its the feeling of utter loneliness amidst being in a huge crowd of people; its being happy and depressed at the same time; its the feeling of not understanding or knowing exactly how you feel; its this huge void engulfing you from inside out. These is exactly what I'm feeling right now. I am contented. I am but yet I can't deny that something is missing. Something so huge and important that when it left, I'm left with nothing but an empty soul. A soul who can still smile an empty smile.

Every ending is a new beginning

2011-03-27T21:00:00.000-07:00

Evey ending is a new beginning, we just don't know it at that time. A cliche yet undeniable truth quoted by Mitch Albom. I had written a whole long post on why I decided to revamp my blog but decided the better of it. This is my blog; a place where I jot down important events; a place where I penned down my emotions. This is my sanctuary so why bother explaining my decision. I guess I'm just no longer the fifteen years old who is insecure and needy. The one who needs approval of others. The one who is secretly afraid that she doesn't fit in. I guess I'm really growing up. Yes I'm eighteen and yes I still have a lot of growing up to do but I guess I'm no longer an attention seeking teenager.