Me as summed up by television shows/fictional characters

on myself

on love

on emotions

on socialising most of the time sometimes

on independence

on uncertainties

498 DPS

I haven't been this excited about anything in years. The last I was so looking forward to something was when the seventeen-year-old me fell in love with GNT and decided to plan a trip to Germany during the next world cup. Alas, that plan fell through but I'm pretty optimistic about this so fingers crossed.

are there giants too, in the dance?

If Ernest Hemingway is my religion then she is my soul.

I'm Terrified of Happiness

There are only a handful of time where you come across words that depict what you're feeling so well that it leaves you speechless. Those rare, precious moments when what you read describes you so well that you're in awe and left hanging, wondering if you have a twin out there, somewhere.

***

I am happy. I am in love; I have a roof over my head, parents that love me, a 4.0 GPA…yet tonight I cried. I cried because I’m terrified I will lose it all. I’m terrified to be too happy. I am haunted by that Charlie Brown quote “I think I’m afraid of being happy because whenever I get too happy something bad always happens.”

How do other people let themselves be happy? My Instagram feed, my newsfeed, my friends…they boast their happiness. They are not ashamed or scared; they do not think that if they embrace their happiness it will disappear. So why me, why am I like this?

I feel all my life I have been cautious. I was scared to be myself, worried what others would think, worried they wouldn’t like me. I was called annoying when I was younger; I guess that taught me to not be overly enthusiastic about anything. I found myself turning into an extremely cynical person as I entered my twenties. Love is not real, life is slavery, everyone is programmed like robots fed the same bullshit its all lies lies lies. Sometimes I believe happiness to be equated with stupidity. You can only be happy if you’re blind to the infidelities of the world, to the sickness of human nature. How can one be so keen and enthusiastic about a world that promotes so much death and hatred?

Besides filling every stereotype of the worldly educated English major, I found myself ashamed of my cynicism. I think its good to see the world through a realistic lens, but then again rose-colored shades are not that bad either. Today I am in love; I am free to be my true self with someone for the first time in my life. I am so extremely happy that I am absolutely paralyzed with fear. I wish I could embrace the corny things in life, post love quotes and pictures of us kissing, but if I show off my love…it will leave.

I’m not sure if this is a condition of my upbringing or just something every postgrad experiences. Sometimes I feel as if our generation is taught how to wallow around in self pity. I mean how many articles do you read telling you its ok to be a sad depressed lazy bum, that not having a job is OK because no one else does either. I’m not sure how much this has an affect, or if I’m really alone in this feeling.

I know no one is alone in this world, but sometimes I wish I could really embrace the happiness of life, hold it so tight that it should explode, but believe it wont. 

by Emory Ann

***

I take no credit for the work posted above. It echoes what i feel so accurately that i just had to share it here.

give me your heart and i'll give you my love

Friend: You see chiahui. She doesn't even have a crush on anyone.

Me: I do. Many of them in fact. Too many.

That, people is a general misconception and so I'm doing another post on  human beings that I'm in love with in order to not appear like a cold blooded animal with no feelings whatsoever but don't be fooled by this post because i actually am all the aforementioned just that i'm a really good liar.

This is a post on my girl crushes. They are all amazing singers whose songs have been on repeat since I discovered them and their voices makes me go awwwwwwww ♥♥♥. Also, this is the continuation on people I'm in love with, only this is the singer edition. (although I cheated wtf as hannah was featured before in the band post and sydney is actually in a band also but they're still singer in general so ok la)

Aren't they gorgeous? /swoons/

To be honest, I have an unhealthy obsession with awkward, quirky, ethereal-looking singer songwriter/females in general. I mean if I were to see a beautiful girl/woman/actress/singer, I'd go all ''oh, she's so beautiful" and that would be it; an admiration of the beautiful genes of some people without any investment of my feelings.

However, if you place me in a scenario with me discovering awkward, dorky, quirky females, especially singer songwriter, I will be an uninhibited version of myself. Not only will I feel things like, ''awwwww you cute lil adorable piece of pancake, come to mama" (ignore how pedophilic i sound please) I'll actually proceed to do every single incoherent cooing sound complete with the gushiest gestures you can ever find me displaying.

Sorry (no i'm not) if I'm creeping you out with this fixation of mine but there's just something about this kind of females that brings out my blindly-in-love alter ego.

I'm not judging you on who you're crushing on, unless you're actually one of the many millions of blind teens who believe that JB is hawt then yes I'm giving you my deadliest judgmental glares, so don't judge me on mine.

Just so you know, I don't support society's definition of a great singer. Just because one can belt out tunes, it doesn't mean that he or she is definitely an amazing singer. I understand that each person has their own musical taste but the constant, "She can reach high notes so she'll definitely win this competition and goes on to be the best singer in the world" is pissing me off. 

Maybe this is the bitter side of me who still begrudges reality singing competitions for screwing over my favourites but I stand by my point.

I'm not saying that those who can belt out tunes can't sing, they can and their ability to do so should be applauded but I'm just one of those weird ones who are smitten with those hauntingly ethereal voices who are so much harder to find.

save your heart for someone who leaves you breathless

Let me introduce to this blog bands that I'm currently head over heels in love with (in no particular order):

p.s: please bear in mind that this is the first part to people whom I'm currently in love with so tune in for more to come. Xox

They tore me apart like a hurricane

What's upsetting me? 

• Malala made me realized that my almost twenty years of living and breathing is a waste.

• Zimmerman's acquittal of trayvon's death baffles, infuriates and saddens me because the state of justice in this world is astoundingly warped.

• The never ending rape culture.

• How some malaysian is satisfied with being given just the only one sweet when a whole friggin sweets factory was first at our disposal if not because of certain ahem

• My cgpa worries have been magnified tenfold because the stakes have been raised much higher.

I’ll keep you safe tonight ‘cause I’m a warrior

A short update just 'cause I'm procrastinating on my comm law assignment.

I'm a fickle music lover. Whenever I take a fancy to a song, I usually binge on it and will eventually get bored after a few days — a week tops but foxes is just <33333

I'm in ♥♥♥ with her entire album; a feat that I have not thought possible before this.

anddddd she replied me on twitter !!!

That totally made up my entire month, in fact I'm still fangirling over this. Oh, and did I mention that she's a brit and that gives her extra brownie points imo as there is something inherently captivating about their accent.

Ok time to head back to my assignment before I flunk this subject and forfeit my rights to graduate in a few months.

Till then, xox

IT'S MARCHHHH BABEH

Me getting hit on by a dude? It must be the doing of the blue moon.