You know I dream in colour

When you're at the top of the world, there's nowhere to go but down. 

Does it mean that I'm only going to go down from here on?

No more fancy words to disguise my disappointment because at the end of the day, all I can see, feel and think is how much of disappointment I am.

Just because nothing big or ground breaking has happened in your life doesn’t mean it isn’t any less interesting or important than anyone else’s. Everyone’s story is important. Everyone has been through what only they know they have been through. 

If we rely on other people to help us be a better person, what will happen to us when they leave our side? Wouldn’t that make us fragile? The strength, courage and goodness that’s truly yours is within you. You just have to look for it inside. When you’ve found it, they’ll forever be at your disposal and no one can take that away from you.

Our lives are so hopelessly entangled in the choices of others, we can never have full control over our destiny or fate or purpose or whatever you want to call it. The choices we make will define us, of course, but so do the choices of everyone around us whether we know them or not.”

How to Disappear Completely - David Bowick

Moments worth remembering

I can never willingly or unwillingly give my books away unless I'm really forced to. And by really, I mean really really forced like with a gun on my head, and I'm a minuscule step away from falling off the cliff with huge gigantic ugly rats on the bottom of the cliff waiting to kill me with their disgusting squishy body on the rare chance that I did not die from falling off the cliff. Or in a more normal and less dramatic scenario: when I moved and even then the books that I'll give away are the books that I'm really not interested in anymore (which is very few btw). Why you may ask. Because there are times when before I go to sleep I'll head over to my bookshelf and pick a random book to reread. After picking whatever book that my mood dictates, I'll then curl up on my bed and skim through the said book again. Pure unadulterated bliss I tell you. And it is during moments like this that I'll mentally categorize the books and authors into great, okay and so-so because to me, a great book is the one where when you read through the book for the second, third or fourth time and your breath still hitch at how beautifully written the words are and you're reminded again why you love that book so much; that for me is the definition of a great book and an author who is able to wove an awe-inspiring story with beautifully and thought provoking words will automatically be hail as an amazing writer too. And then I'll wish really hard that someday I will be able to write as beautifully as those had before me. 

I'd like to make myself believe

random pictures that i took over the months;

#1 Casts of Petaling Street Warrior in Aeon Bukit Tinggi.

#2 The ♥ of my life! 

#3 My hair bands collection.

#4 CNY '12 seafood lunch at Port Klang.

#5 Le nail polishes.

#6 My brochure assignment for IEP Practical.

#7 Zee college newspaper.

#8 A day trip to Radio Televisyen Malaysia (RTM).

#9 Turquoise and black crackle nail polish

#10 Boom - An explosive romantic comedy; the first play I've ever watch and definitely not the last.

#11 Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre.

#12 Name cards; Celebrity Fitness (up) & IEP travel assignment (down).

A rock of trust

It was exhilarating to be on top of the world - to be so high up on your own that one can actually revel in the beauty of heights despite the sweaty palms and the occasional "What if I slip and die?" question popping up now and then. It was a feeling that I definitely basked in until I realized that I have to get back down, not by climbing, but by putting my life in the hands of someone else; to trust my life on that rope that was connected between me and that person. That was when I know that I'm screwed several feet above the ground because I just couldn't let go of the artificial boulder of rocks that I'm holding my dear life on and that no one would be there to help me down but myself and the knots of rope around my waist that I was staring dubiously at.

And that was how my virginal experience with rock climbing was.

Indoor Rock Climbing at Camp 5, 1 Utama

Rock climbing has always been one of the many things in my bucket list and despite several planning to do it over the years, me and my buds just never seem to be able to materialize on our promise to do it until last Friday. To reimburse ourselves for the plethora of disappointment that we felt on our failed trip to Penang, we went for the rock climbing taster session, a short night out at Solaris Mont Kiara and finally a sleepover at K's house. It didn't exactly make up for the trip that I had been longing for but it feels really good to catch up with my two best friends.

Rock climbing; a sport that I had always deem to be easy to handle because I mean 'All you have to do is just climb some rocks, how hard will that be?" Well, I got my answer last friday: very hard. It might look easy but to latch your whole body weight on to your hand while defying gravity to climb several feet above ground is no simple task at all. Especially when the only thing that is standing between you and falling is the artificial rock that you're holding on to. Oh, and did I mention that most of those artificial rocks are tiny and in certain places, they are few and far apart which means that you have to literally go spiderman on them (pls do ignore my bad metaphor)

The worst part for me would be the part where I have to get down. Being in the taster session means that we have a coach with us during the whole session. He/she would be there to guide and teach you. Basically when you climb, you will be connected to your coach through the rope that is tied between your harness and him/her so when you need to get down, all you have to do is to bend your leg in an 'L' shape, release your hand from the rock, relax and trust your coach to guide you down. It sounds simple, right? NO. Because when you're really up there and you are asked to let go of the only thing that is stopping you from falling down, you will find yourself unable to let go even when you're repeatedly told to.

I remember vividly the first time that I have to get down; I was instructed to do according to the said instruction but no matter how much I was coaxed by the others and myself to just let go and trust him (the coach), I couldn't. Not because I don't want to but because I just can't do it. I just couldn't put that much trust into someone else that I have just meet less than an hour ago even when I'm repeatedly told that he wouldn't fuck around with my life. Eventually, I did get down but it by no means meant that I have gotten over my fear of letting go and trusting someone else. It will take time and a lot of effort but I don't think so I'm giving up on rock climbing anytime soon because this is definitely one of the few sports that I enjoy.

P.s: Rock climbing is definitely not for the faint hearted or one with acrophobia.