because i'm the royal queen of fucking up

I am very very pissed at myself. I know I could have done better; how I don't know but all I know is that I could have done better but I didn't. I should have tried harder but I didn't. Be better but I'm not. And this grates so very badly because it would have been different if I'm smarter, better. If only I had put in more effort. If only I didn't royally screw it up like I'm wont to be.I'm so very very pissed but I'm also very very disappointed. I've messed up so badly that I don't know how to make it up to her, him, them, me. How am I supposed to fix this gigantic pot of mistakes when I was the one who made them in the first place? The worse thing is not my self-loathe but that I hate myself so very much that I don't know if there'll ever be an end to it.