Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Of monsters and men

Failure is not so much a bitter pill that you have to swallow as the tightening of your vocal cord before you're force-fed a century worth of tears and agony.

There is no other day like results day to shake the foundation of  faith in my own capabilities. And no other better day to cry like today but the sad thing is, I cannot cry. Not that I don't want to but I just can't. At best, all I can muster up these days are those paltry tears; such a small quantity of them that I'm oft led to believe that my tear duct has shriveled up by those layers of armor that I kept bandaging my heart with. 

I want to talk to someone who'll understand and not just one who just proclaimed they do. I want to have a hissy fit. And above all, I want to run to my mom and cry like I've never done before. To cry away all these pent up frustration. To cry and cry and never stop because goddammit I'm exhausted.

I'm weary of fighting these battles especially when it seems so futile with only one semester left. I'm weary and tired of it all. Tired of being the sole champion of my own cause. Once. Just once, I want so badly for one other person to fight these battles of life for me or precisely with me.

Is it really to much to ask?


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